A rule of thumb I have learned to follow is that when I am in a crummy state, that is not the time to try to solve the problems I perceive. Better to try to make a transition to a better state, by whatever means, and then explicitly remember the problems and try to solve them when I'm in an energetically more capable place. The solutions that result this way are much better.
I find myself in a mentoring position to interns at my day job. They are very talented and have no big responsibilities like a family or kids. If I was their age, I wish someone told me how frustrating it is to have not tried my hand at being an entrepreneur.
Do I tell these interns the frustration I feel and that they should think long and hard about whether they want to join to big corporate world? The big multi-nationals offer good compensation and is relatively secure. However, I wonder if they will eventually start feeling frustration down the years and start thinking the same thoughts as I am now?
Anyways I've chosen my path. I have a family that depends on my stable income, I realize how important is for a parent to BE a parent, and accepted that I no longer have the energy to work three jobs. (day job, family, plan B) I'm trying to bring up the kids to live the life I wish I had...
But it doesn't mean I've given up on 'plan B'. I'm sure as the kids get older, I would find myself with more time. Just need to stave off the burnout by not trying to do too much.
I read DHH awhile ago and he mentioned only working 2 hrs a day (and not even everyday on your side project). I think most people even if they're octomom if they plan and schedule well enough could probably find 2 hrs a day (early in the morning or late at night) to squeeze in some work.
There's no requirement that it has to be an extra 6 or 8 hr marathon everyday for 6 months or year, etc.
I agree. The problem I'm having is juggling the three elements of day job, family service, and plan B. Day job eats up over 12 hours of my day (include prep + commute). Then the family service thing goes on for at least 4 hours, usually more with the clean up miscellaneous house things. The majority of the days, I find my important duties finally ends around 11pm, on most weekdays. Exceptions are like yesterday where late night day job phone conferences has me up past midnight. Weekends, you can replace the time with the day job with family service. I think this is where as the kids grow older and more independent, I can reap back some time for plan B.
I just can't help but wonder how different my life would have been if I pursued doing my own thing more aggressively 10 years ago. Ten years ago was four years before the wife and I wanted to have kids, the wife was working making good income, a time where I could have gone balls out. m'eh, enough dwelling on the pasts what-ifs.
Day job and family duties calls! I'm off to the (rat) races!
For most people though, I imagine that it is hard to make sure that those 2 hours are ultra productive and that you are actually accomplishing what you set out to do.
I faced this precise dilemma. I finally just quit. It was less stressful to do what I wanted, and worry about the bills than it was to have the bills paid by not doing what I wanted.
What did you want to do? How did you know? Did you just follow a gut feeling?
I ask because I am struggling to find what I want to do. There are many possibilities that seem interesting. It seems easier to find out what I don't like. Using process of elimination would take quite some time.
Well, I knew what I wanted my hobby project to be, and I also have a rough long term goal.
So, upon reflection, I realized that I was spending 95% of my time doing shit I hated doing, or at best was ambivalent about, and I decided that was no way to live my life.
I didn't have some grand scheme, I just said to myself: look Pete, you wake up and you think about how you want to spend your time, and it's basically the same every day, but then you ignore the impulse so you can "pay the bills." Just stop ignoring the impulse.
That's what I did.
So if you're feeling like "Fuck it, I want to [lay on a beach/travel the world/go on a spirit quest/write a novel/program a game/whatever]," then just do it. It might even be worth screwing your credit rating and losing your worldly possessions over--that's not a big deal, in the scheme of things. It doesn't have to be forever, it just has to be enough to break you out of your rut.
I wanted to do two things:
1) Write more
2) Create my "grand opus" video game
That's what I'm doing now, and I love it. I make perhaps 5 times less than I used to and I put up with it being cold in the house because I stopped programming full time and started freelance writing. Big deal -- I wake up refreshed and excited, and the writing I'm doing, I'm doing in such a way that it will support me passively in years to come. I have a realistic opportunity to never have to work again, and it's because I broke out the the rut of "I want to stop this job, but I need to pay the bills."
I could be wrong statistically speaking, but for me personally, the right answer is: Fuck the bills.
That last comment on his blog about the guy whose wife is about to leave him is sad. One of the main reasons it's important to have a supporting partner in life.
Yes, do this one. It works for me, at least. See also http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=948481 for some possible biology behind this.
A rule of thumb I have learned to follow is that when I am in a crummy state, that is not the time to try to solve the problems I perceive. Better to try to make a transition to a better state, by whatever means, and then explicitly remember the problems and try to solve them when I'm in an energetically more capable place. The solutions that result this way are much better.