I think those were real, un-empowered humans using a script. My favourite? The "I would feel that way too" script that Google Play uses: straight from an email, no joke, I once got "Thank you for contacting the Google Play Support team. I understand you are waiting on a response. If I was feeling ignored, I would be upset as well. I assure you I have the information for you on your return." or the variant "Thank you for your response. I understand you are having trouble with the tracking number. If I was not receiving necessary information, I would be upset as well. I assure you I have the solution for this brief hang up." (and says there is no tracking number for the item I sent in 3 weeks ago to return! So I replied I was being ignored and got that little gem above...)
I think my favourite has to be the "nothing to say here..." email which emphasizes how they should really cut down the customer service drone talk to the simple sentence "We're looking into it, I'll get back to you." Instead:
Thank you for contacting the Google Play Support team. I understand you are having trouble with your return. If I was experiencing return issues, I would be upset as well. I assure you I have the information to confirm the movement of your refund.
In order to get this issue resolved, I am going to go ahead and let you know that this matter is being consulted, and I will send a follow up email when I receive the information pertaining to your return.
Cordially,
X, Google Play Support Team
Sometimes they forget to personalize entirely, as in the one sent to kick off the botched return process: (the following is unedited)
Hello ,
Thank you for contacting Google concerning your Nexus _. My name is Æsa and I will be taking over your case from this point forward. I understand your concern and why this is important to you and will do the best I can to assist you.
Wow. That's nearly as awesome. I mean, it installed something when you uninstall, that's the problem. "We are sorry for the trouble. Do you want to uninstall the Norton tool bar? It was meant to keep you protected. -Arun cc:esd" could be taken both ways, however -- and that's my problem with tweets. Sometimes what we interpret as "clueless" is really someone just "making sure you're okay" using the given script after shooting off too quick with a support response. Not saying they read your tweet, as obviously they didn't respond appropriately about the uninstall, but the responses are consistent with the language on their site: http://safeweb.norton.com/lite (The title says "Is this website safe" and later in the page says, "It's our way of giving back to the online community.")
By comparison, emails are longer-form and less "instant" than tweets. They (Google) should have been able to get it as human as Apple did when I had unactivated iTunes gift cards. (The second time, that is. The first time took them awhile, so it's hit or miss in my experience. I've also learned to never expect real support from Microsoft Store or Adobe -- basically anyone with a "live chat" support service.)
I think my favourite has to be the "nothing to say here..." email which emphasizes how they should really cut down the customer service drone talk to the simple sentence "We're looking into it, I'll get back to you." Instead:
Thank you for contacting the Google Play Support team. I understand you are having trouble with your return. If I was experiencing return issues, I would be upset as well. I assure you I have the information to confirm the movement of your refund.
In order to get this issue resolved, I am going to go ahead and let you know that this matter is being consulted, and I will send a follow up email when I receive the information pertaining to your return.
Cordially,
X, Google Play Support Team
Sometimes they forget to personalize entirely, as in the one sent to kick off the botched return process: (the following is unedited)
Hello ,
Thank you for contacting Google concerning your Nexus _. My name is Æsa and I will be taking over your case from this point forward. I understand your concern and why this is important to you and will do the best I can to assist you.