Reading this Ask HN post and one of your previous ones [0], you need to talk to a professional in the real world. Your problems aren't going to go away by reading random suggestions from people on the internet, no matter how well intentioned they may be.
I thought about this, but it seems very priviledged to "complain" about earning lots of money and not enjoying it as if I was 12 when people with real misery and pain are all around.
[0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21874635