Most of the "homeschool" kids I've met were definitely taught to fall in line, just with their family leaders and not with their peers. Subservience to religious or parental authority is a big reason why kids end up in those kinds of situations.
It's so interesting hearing from someone with a similar experience, thanks for sharing.
The CAT exams were the same for me, always scored really high and above my grade level. I aced the 12th grade one by age 14. My parents took that as evidence that I was doing well, and I didn't trust them enough to confide just how desperately lonely I was. The CAT (and SAT) ended up being incredibly poor indicators of preparation for college level courses, many of which I failed my first semester despite also being a self-starter who reads voraciously. It was just too much of a jump for me from the unstructured way I'd been teaching myself previously, and I was missing too much background knowledge.
Even with my high SAT scores it was really hard to get into college. I ended up at a tiny private religious school (I'm not religious) because they were the only one that accepted me, and one of the few I was even able to complete the application for because many admissions offices didn't make allowances for homeschooling in their application process (this was around 2001). After a few years there I managed to bring my GPA up high enough to transfer to a state school.
In retrospect, I believe things could have been really different if I'd had access to a councilor with academic experience to explain how the system worked and tell me what paperwork I would need for college applications or what subjects would be necessary for the program I wanted to do. Even in 2001 with internet access I just wasn't able to navigate that on my own and ended up making a lot of costly (time, money, embarrassment) mistakes. And I was a pretty smart kid, I taught myself to code for one. It turns out being smart didn't make up for that much of a knowledge gap.
Homeschooling was detrimental to my own social development as a child, and that of my (many) siblings. Adjusting to college life made me nearly suicidal with hopelessness that I'd ever catch up either academically or socially, and none of my other siblings managed to successfully complete it. We're all doing much better now, but none of us would ever consider putting our own children through that kind of isolation long-term.
Now I'm part of an ex-homeschooler support group where most of us had a similar story. In my own case, the "homeschooling" was a political choice by parents who were deeply paranoid about the US government. They lacked the education to even understand what all we were missing and relied on a popular curriculum program to guide them without any supplemental counseling or outside tutoring.
Academically I'm sure some more educated parents could do better and understand they need to get information from a variety of sources, but socially it would be very difficult to replicate the opportunities that school provides most kids.
One important thing about child development in isolated environments is that academically: you can catch up later. You might be older than the other students when you finally get there, but you can do it and end up doing just as well as the children who had a head start. But socially that's a very long, lonely road I wouldn't wish on anyone.
The only situation in which I'd consider homeschooling my child is if it was in the daily, sustained company of other families and involved parents. Skill-building aside: seeing other kids at the playground once a week doesn't even begin to take the edge off the loneliness.
Thank you much for sharing this experience. I’m really sorry this was the case for you and your siblings. I myself was e trembly lonely as a child despite trying public and private schools. I ended up cooped up all the time doing homework and not much time to interact in school. It wasn’t really until I went to an acting school in Paris in my twenties that I made really close friends. It was it’s a different culture that felt more conducive to socializing and community - and in my experience more inclusive of a weirdo like myself :) since then I’ve found my friends working on collaborative projects (tech accelerators) or spiritual communities (zen center, yoga)
I too was homeschooled for most of my youth all the way through high school. At the time I welcomed it due to some pretty bad undiagnosed anxiety and ADD, but it in no way prepared me for life outside my nuclear family, nor did it provide me with much of an education that I didn’t explicitly give myself. My parents took me out of school for religious reasons primarily, with this vague notion they’d protect me and my sisters from secularism, while proving us a “better education.” As it turns out they were woefully under qualified to teach us anything past maybe grade 7, after which we were handed text books and encouraged to learn, instruction not included. Meanwhile I learned very little about social survival, or science, or life outside of the home. While I may have been protected from triggers to my anxiety, it actually got worse in ways because I was never challenged to grow, and it set me back in my social and emotional development many years. Subjects that the conservative Christian community considered risky (evolution anyone?) were either omitted or presented in such a corrupted way as to be worse than useless.
I love my parents, they tried their best, but there are very few scenarios in which I would encourage someone to homeschool their kids, if for no other reason than most parents aren’t trained teachers who actually know how to educate properly.
